I seriously just don't know what to do anymore. Today I was called into a meeting in the office of the VP of Operations with my boss. I was told it was a team meeting about our programs. I was wrong. I knew something wasn't right when the lady from HR showed up and began taking notes. The next thing I knew the Operations Director (a fat chick named Rosemary who's been at the company for ONE WEEK and who doesn't even KNOW me at all) proceeded to tell me that my "negative attitude" at work was affecting others and people were talking about me and so on. I was also told how I was being watched and listened to with aspects of my work and dealing with other people. I was informed that I was "lacking" in professional skills and it just went on from there....the bullshit just went on and on. And it was total baloney! And I had to sit there while HR took their notes and while my boss just looked sadly at me like I was some pathetic piece of crap and Rosemary with her cocky attitude and big fat ugly face kept yacking on and on acting like she knows everything there is to know about me down to the way I talk and act and she's only been here a freakin WEEK! What gives her the right anyway?
I seriously was being ambushed....reamed out....I was too shocked to say anything....all I could do was sit there and nod my head like a freakin puppet and say "uh huh" and try as hard as I could not to cry to the bullshit being thrown at me. It was seriously awful you guys, totally awful. I was told basically that I was "bringing everyone DOWN with MY negative attitude". I do my job and I do it damn well....and I do care to a point. Maybe I don't have the BEST attitude in the world but would you if you got out of college making what I am making knowing damn well you can make the same out of HS not even bothering to waste the time and money for college you would be pretty pissed off and negative too!
But what am I to say what I really feel to these assholes? Of course not....I am not stupid. My man thinks by keeping quiet I made it worse but my speaking my MIND I may have not had a job after that. So I bit my lip and kept my mouth shut.
By now I am sure you're wondering why I am bothering to type all this in a journal full of strangers. I mean it is a place to bitch about work related crap right? Seek advice cuz by golly I could use some right now. From now on I am going to have to be some fake phony office drone for fear of losing my job. I can't afford to get fired and right now the job market is terrible and jobs are scarce so I am going to have to make...no FORCE myself to be the way they want me to be which means being more fake fake fake and phony phony happy-like and horseshit....like everyone else in the office is (and who also is not getting lectured and yelled at either ironically)....this means I can't even be my regular self and joke around and worry about every word I say and every little thing I do for fear someone might over hear me and twist it into something it surely isn't!!!! According to freakin ROSEMARY people are saying things about me.....lots of people!! Total total bullshit!
What's a poor fish like me to do in a pool full of sharks?